my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
