so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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