All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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