You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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