She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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