I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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