Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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