Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
