I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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