His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
