Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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