I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
