My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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