Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
