Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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