I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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