I want to walk on stilts...naked
well you can't waste a boner
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
