I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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