SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
