Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
