My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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