peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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