How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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