if you like me you must not know who I am
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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