I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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