I accidentally burped into my bong.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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