Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
