Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
