I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
