Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
