I have demons in me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Congratulations! We have a period
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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