I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
whose parrot is this?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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