you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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