3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
