If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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