Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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