drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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