I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
