yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
