She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
