Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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