apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
