And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
