Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
