That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
