I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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