Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
