have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
why is half of my head shaved?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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