Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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