I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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