Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
home. puking in laundry basket.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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