i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
