So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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