So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
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Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
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It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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