I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
