24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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