I am puke
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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