this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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