so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
