You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
