I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize