Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize