someone threw a dead crab at me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
