I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
