Yo dont text me then not text me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
