Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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