She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
