Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
