her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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