I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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