Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
