New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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