How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
