Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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