You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
