OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
